Ass Full of Cum
What? Who? Manifesto "I came here 'cause I'm horny."

Into the Intro

"Where am I? What is this..." you ask? Well, you are looking at an old collection of my writings and art, newspaper clippings, "fun" facts and photos, mostly from the early 2000s. Feel free to browse around, or better yet read and contemplate and then tell me what you think.

The Webmistress
May 2011

"Do not react based on the reptilian brain, in fear and insecurity."
A.M. Bosman

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The Old Intro

Hello, hello, new and old readers! You are all in luck, I am updating this site finally after another [very] long hiatus. I can't promise that it will be a regular thing though. I do hope to do something nicer with the color scheme and document more sources.

Now, my dear old readers, you may be pleasantly surprised that this website was written up in some rag (about time, right?), but I was never consulted about it, so I won't bother mentioning the name.

As for you, new readers, if you are here to hold the hot dog, choke the chicken, flog the dolphin - however you want to say it - you won't find much here to do the job, unless sardonic wit is what gets you off.

The Webmistress
July 2007
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The Really Old Intro

Dear Reader,

Doesn't it suck when you come upon a website you really like and then the person doesn't update it - ever? Sadly, this has been such a website for far too long (see the blurb below about my last update).

Recently, some websites have linked to this fine site here because, apparently, there is a shortage of online resources about men with two penises. I kid you not.

1 in every 5.5 million males is born with more than one penis.

One of them, an unlucky man India, made the news in August 2006 because he wanted doctors to lob it off.

Anyway, I am looking forward to resuming work on this website. Aparently I have numerous fans..? Brigid writes:

"no, it's not porn. Really. But it is a compendium of information about abortions via the mouth, animals tried for their crimes (usually dressed up as humans, first), crocodile penises, cannibalism, how much pus is found in the average glass of milk, and other horrificly awesome things."

Thanks Brigid. In the words of another:

"Who knew that was such a great reference resource?"

And at this moment (4:30 am), I can't write a better description, so just go to some of the links on the right to read all that fun, fun stuff.

Thanks for reading.

The Webmistress
December 2006

"This work is utterly incomprehensible, even to me. Its singular profundity continually astonishes me... Was I perhaps trying to create humour? That would not surprise me and would be rather my style. All the same I shall have no sympathy for people who make light of it. They stand warned."
Erik Satie

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We haven't been introduced. Join the Ass Full of Cum list.

Croc Cock - The Phallus of a Crocodile

Rare Reptile

"Sperm is ... the end-product of all digestions."

But what if you ingest sperm? According to an urban myth, a "serving" of semen has six calories. Not true! A single "serving" has 100 calories, from fat. So if you swallow, you get 11 grams of fat, that's about 17% of the average recommended daily fat dose. 7 of those are saturated fat grams and that's 35% of your recommended daily saturated fat dose.

Panspermia -
The theory that life exists and is distributed throughout the universe in the form of germs or spores.

Wanna see some boobies?


Are you a man who enjoys rollerblading or wrestling?
No? Just a good old fashioned spandex freak then?

The common methods for trepanation are scraping; grooving; boring-and-cutting and rectangular intersecting incisions.

On July 17th, 1917 the British royal family changed its name from the German Saxe-Coburg Gotha to Windsor. (GB was at war with Germany.)

See more words, quotes, and facts.

"We love 'Ass Full of Cum'!"

Cannibal Animal Medieval Medical Religious Food

"Only for you, children of doctrine and learning, have we written this work."
Heinrich Cornelius Agrippa von Nettesheim, De occulta philosophia

Evidence of Cannibalism in the Southwest
Revealed by prehistoric human feces...

Philippine Cannibal Gangs

Cannibal Camp
I have a slight fascination with the Donner Party.

Crafty Crickets
Cricket courtship and cannibalism...

Pus in Milk
An ordinary glass of milk contains between one and seven drops of pus.

"He drinks her blood in return for giving her sperm..."

Mosquito Love

Porcupines pee on each other for sexual arousal...

Oink, oink...
The boar likes to nuzzle the sow's genital and anal area.

Snake Sex
Snakes identify each other through scents produced by their anal glands.

Octopus Erections
The octopus is the first soft-bodied animal found to have erectile tissue.

Hyena Pseudopenises

Sex Sounds of Female Baboons

Monkey Spanked

Why does the male chimp have huge balls?

Dong-ald Duck
Yeah, ducks have dicks and this one's a record breaker.

The Barnacle's Big Penis
Darwin's awe of these multiple "little husbands."

Why does the walrus cow have a big smile?

Fertilization in Seahorses
The male will let his cum rain down on himself.

Scooping Sperm
The male damselfly is one protective guy...

Sperm Selection in Snails
The female of of the small snail Littorina obtusata has an organ for storing sperm.

The Cliteropenis of the Crocodile

The Amazing Earwig
An extra penis can come in handy.

Little spider, lot of pain...

Itsy-Bitsy Spider Had Herself a Meal

Pet Lizards Eat Owner
I love these kinds of stories...

Pet Rat Bites Baby 100 Times
Bad parent, rather than bad animal story.

Banana Slugs
They "slug it out" with their "bananas."

Giant Sperm

A Shot in the Arm
A little about squid sperm.

Lusty Lobworms

Sex, Dragon Style

The bees get busy...
And then they die.

Cock Crazy

World's Oldest Penis

Ancient Greek Animal Tribunals

Criminal Animals
All creatures great and small have their moment in the medieval court.

The Bubonic Plague


The Secret Life of the Broomstick

Satanic Castration

When Pissed-Off Wives Attack
British Queen Isabella

Bertrand le Blas
The Dutch Inquisition and Bloody Mary's phantom pregnancy.

Woman gives birth to frog!
Woman gives birth to rabbits!

Abortion by the Mouth
And worse...


Balls. The more the merrier?

Diphallus - Penis Duplication


Supernumerary Nipples and Breasts

Woman missing half her skull finally gets it back.
Viva la health care system!

And what is semen?
From Galen's On the Natural Faculties


Urine Trouble!

Hello, Clitty!

Testes! Testes!

The Phallus of Shiva

The Honorable Surrogate Penis...

Who needs an erection anwyay?

Does God hate you?
If you have to ask...

Eternal Salvation or Triple Your Money Back!
Strange and amusing SPAM.

When you die, how will you be remembered?
Perhaps with an interesting headstone?

Inspirational Catholic Jesus Sport Statue

Obese Medieval Monks

Restaurant for Anorexics Closes in Berlin
(Thanks Aaron for bringing this to my attention!!}

Robot powered by flies attracted by human sewage...

Cheese Flies and Maggot Cheese
Casu modde cheese - it squirms with worms.

Secret Ingredients in Chocolate
If you ever wanted to know how many insect and rodents parts are allowed in your snack.

Are you eating baked goods with ingredients derived from human hair?

What else are you eating?

More Shitty News
It's made of people! (Kind of.)

An experimental sausage made from human sewage.

Chicken and rice...and urine!

Brains on a bun...

The Bull Sperm Thief

Erecting a Penis-Shaped Ice Scuplture
Very life-like, according to the residents of a small CT town.

La Vie En Rose
Bits and pieces from a paper zine I did four years ago (way before the film).

Looking for intelligent signs of life...

Original writings, images, designs and concepts Copyright (c) 2003-2015 by
Use of such materials is a violation of copyrights, trademarks and other propriety rights and is prohibited.
Do it and I'll have my dog bite off your most sensitive parts!